Monday, September 29, 2008

the Holy Spirit conference and beyond

I have been meaning to write about my experience at the Holy Spirit conference for quite a while (here ya go, Meredith). After last years earth shaking experience (that I will save for a face to face discussion-it was HUGE) I was excited for what God was going to do and how He was going to reveal Himself to me. He did not dissappoint. It was life altering. It gave me a whole new understanding of who God is and how much He really loves little ol' me. God spoke to me. Like, really really spoke to me. It was the most perfect voice I had ever heard. It was confident, strong, and very kind. It was filled with love. It was exactly what I needed and wanted to hear from Him. Let me back up just a bit...

There were shifts in our life that were difficult to understand, to take control of, and to know what needed to be done. We were so unhappy in our church and I needed to change jobs in some respect plus all the other normal issues in life seemed so much bigger when we had these other things hanging over our heads. It was overwhelming. It was effecting my marriage and my parenting. Really taking a toll.

Paul Anderson (director of Lutheran Renewal) spoke the first night about finding your destiny in Christ. God gave you talents and desires and He wants you to use them for His Glory. We are children of the Father and servants of the Lord---are we using the gifts God gave us? Are we investing our time in making a mark on eternity? Don't get lazy and miss your destiny. You are created to do good works. To work for his Kingdom. God entrusted a destiny in us, a plan. Don't miss out on the plan God created just for you. What makes you sad, mad, and glad? God has given you the desires and dreams. He wants you to use them. Oy. The entire time he was talking I kept thinking to myself...I don't know what my gifts are. I don't know what my destiny is. I don't know what makes me sad, mad, and glad. Am I using my gifts at church? No. Am I using my gifts and talents at work? No, but they wouldn't be appreciated there anyway. What about at home? Nope. I was so confused and overwhelmed at the thought that I did not know my place in the Kingdom. What was my destiny? How do I find it? How does it fit into my family? Church? Job? At the end, Paul asked for anyone who wants to know what their destiny in Christ is to stand up and to have people around them lay hands on them as he prayed. I did not hesitate to stand up. I needed prayer. I closed my eyes and started to weep. I was broken. Confused. Seeking for more. Then it the chaos of my thoughts, in the desperation of my cry...there was peace and that voice I mentioned earlier said to me "I will make a way." For the first time in my life I unmistakenly heard the voice of God. All the chaos ended. I had peace over every situation in my life. I gave it all up to Him. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that God was going to take care of me, my husband, and our kids. I didn't have to figure it out. He was going to work it out. He was going to make a way. Woohoo!


meredith said...

what a beautiful picture of surrender. i can't wait to see what 'the way' is!! He always proves to be an adventurer!

thanks for sharing

Bethany said...

That is truly awesome, and special Manda! I'm so happy for you!