I am a fat chick. I want to be skinnier. I want to be able to walk into J. Crew and buy a cute little dress off the rack and know I will be the cutest thing ever wearing it. Have you seen fat chick clothes? They are so NOT cute! You either dress like a hoochy hoo or a frumpy grandma. Thankfully there are stores like Old Navy that have "extended" sizes (XXL in the regular section) that fit or can actually be too big. Hallelujah!
I am 35 now and losing weight is not as easy as it was 10 years ago. Will I ever be disciplined enough to eat healthy all the time and to exercise every day? I slip up for two days and the scale shows it....slowing creeping up. It is frustrating and really freaking maddening. I was thinking about my success last summer and how I walked on the treadmill every day. I was up to walking 3 miles a day. I felt great. I actually enjoyed exercising. What is up with me this time? Besides the fact that in a moment of pure stupidity I sold the treadmill to make room in the office for our school room. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. I want to get another treadmill or an elliptical (Anyone have one they want to get rid of? I have cash.) I realize that I need to be able to do something at home. Or I was thinking of doing water exercise classes but that involves joining the Y which is stupid expensive for a family. Ugh.
So I have all this running through my mind and then I just want to give up the idea of being skinnier. How wrong is it to be okay in my skin as a fat chick? Am I just fooling myself so I get out of doing the work? Or am I really okay with myself? Is it okay to wear a tank top and to show off my chubbo arms in all their glory....stretch marks and all? Am I okay with wearing a skirt that shows the jiggle on the inside of my knees as I walk? I DON'T KNOW!!! I have been shopping for Florida clothes the last couple weeks and I have picked up a couple things that are definitely more revealing than most of what I would wear in my every day life. I have a couple tank tops that I think are uber cute and then I found a smocked sundress that is so freaking cute. I love it! It will be so cute to wear as Chad and I wander the little shops in FL and have lunch by the ocean. Would I dare wear it here where I might run into someone I actually know? So goes the struggle of my wardrobe choices. And please don't get me started on swim suits. I don't think I can handle it.