bad mommy

Ugh. Madeline has been such a challenge lately. Actually, she has been a challenge her whole life it is just different stages bring different challenges. Her strengths and weaknesses interchange so easily that it is hard to parent her. She is a very opinionated girl and she speaks her mind. That is a good thing in that I know she will always stand up for what she believes to be right and people around her will always know where she stands but it turns into a bad thing when she doesn't think before she speaks and when she gives her opinion when it isn't warranted or when it isn't any of her business. I find myself saying, "You are not the mom." multiple times a day. How do I encourage her to be the girl that God has made her to be? How do I teach her when it is okay to assert your opinion and when it isn't? I feel like I am losing the battle. She is lying to me about ridiculous things. She is very sensitive to any kind of discipline. She is so dramatic that I can't tell the difference between real feelings and overly dramatic "feelings" that she brings out to manipulate me out of the punishment. Take this morning for instance...we have a dog and we have reminded the kids time after time to close the lid to the toilet. Well, someone had used the toilet, didn't flush, and didn't close the lid. Both the kids were brushing their teeth. I asked, "Who didn't flush or close the lid?" Eli immediately said it wasn't him. Madeline said it wasn't her either, that it was Eli. Well, we all know that the dog didn't use the bathroom and not flush or close the lid. Someone is lying. She was emphatic (real word?) that she hadn't done it. Eli was also. It ended up being Madeline that had used the toilet and not flushed or closed the lid. That in itself is not a big deal. I would just remind her to do that next time. But she turns it into such a bigger offense. Why lie about something so trivial? Why lie at all? So we talk about it and she says that she is a horrible person and she is stupid and asks me if I want her to pack her bags. WHAT? We have never told Madeline that she was stupid, horrible, or that we want to get rid of her. But she pulls that card out all the time. She makes a huge mess and doesn't clean it up...we tell her to clean it up...she says she is stupid. She is mean to her brother...we send her to her room...she says she is a horrible person. I don't know how to handle it at all. I want her to be confident and to not second guess herself. I really don't know how to be her mom. I thought having a baby was hard..all that work with no sleep. I would take sleepless nights and nasty diapers over this any day. Ugh.