This has been the month of major changes in how I live my life. I am exercising 5-6 days a week. I am up to walking 3 miles on the treadmill going 3 miles an hour on a #3 incline. Thankyouverymuch. And I am making a concerted effort to watch what I eat and to make healthier eating choices. I don't drink soda of any kind. I have cut out all caffeine. I drink water and skim milk. I don't indulge in much sugar or dessert. (If Chad hadn't decided to be a cookie baker all this month I would be able to say I haven't had any dessert.) I grab veggies for snacks and I limit my portions (well, except for the night out with the girls. he he he.) I feel really good physically. I am sleeping better. I have more energy. I can tell I am losing weight besides knowing the number on the scale.
Mentally is another issue and I am not sure it has much to do with my physical changes. I am not sure where I belong. I am not sure what my passions are. I am not sure of my purpose. The obvious thing to say is "Well, your purpose is to spread the Gospel of Jesus Christ and to live in His glory." What do I say to that? I am not sure. It is a calling that I have not felt. I am not bursting at the seams waiting to tell the world about my Saviour. And why not? I have no idea. I am on a journey that I feel lost on. Maybe I am not supposed to know my path quite yet. Maybe God is preparing me for something and I just need to soak Him up right now. Will my path be something exciting like traveling around the world to third world countries to spread the Good News? Or am I just supposed to be a minister in my home and in my everyday life? And is that necessarily a bad thing? What about my passions? I don't even know what those are anymore. I love live theater. I was on stage or preparing to be on stage everyday of my high school life. I LOVED EVERY MINUTE OF IT!! That was 15 years ago and I don't know what to do with it. Is that still my passion if I have stuck it in a closet? What do I do with it now? Where and how is God going to use me? Am I too scared to surrender completely to His will fearing rejection and judgement from my peers? What am I afraid of? I am afraid of not living up to my God-given potential and yet I am paralyzed by fear of man. Lord, help me.